first lesson at drawing class
Growing up I never thought I was a creative person for one simple reason. I sucked so bad at drawing. I couldn’t stand the fact that I was so bad at it so I started to hate drawing too. Throughout school, I either asked my mum or bribed my friends to draw for me. I couldn’t let this stupid drawing class affect my overall GPA. It’s funny how this one limiting belief I have been carrying around all my life makes me deny who I am. Just because I can’t draw like others, I don’t allow myself to believe that I can still live a creative life. Even when I’ve been taking photography and storytelling seriously, deep down inside I still think I’m not creative. That I’m an imposter.
Earlier this year, when I was out for brunch one day and saw a poster outside the cafe about a drawing class in my local art centre, there was a voice inside me that urged me to sign up for it. I wanted to see if I really sucked at drawing like I always believed. I thought I would give this a go, and found out once and for all, whether I was really an imposter or not. A true artist will tell me.
I showed up to the first class feeling mostly nervous, but a tiny bit of excitement too. There were about ten people in my class, ages ranging from 15 to 60s. All women. During the icebreaker, we went around introducing ourselves and the reasons why we’re here. Almost all of us said something along the line of we feel creative but we are not good enough yet so we want to improve ourselves. What is that about us women—always doubting our ability, always feeling like an imposter, always feeling like we’re never good enough.
The first thing Roger, the instructor, told us was that, the idea that only certain gifted people can draw is a total myth. When I first heard that, I felt so relieved and hopeful. It’s strange how no matter how many times I tried to tell myself that, I never believed it. But the moment someone else tells me that, I believe them. There may be people who are gifted with a keener pair of eyes or a natural sensitivity to sounds and rhythm. But what makes someone a great artist is constant practice and discipline. Creativity is a process, not a natural gift that someone is either born with it or not. Roger was determined to prove to us all that regardless of where we were in our drawing ability, he could show us that we could, in fact, draw anything realistically if we put in the time, effort, practice, and patience. He was still very confident when he saw my first drawing. So I was quite reassured that this guy knew what he was preaching.
My first drawing. We were asked to draw the person sitting in front of us. I kept apologising to the poor lady because I had completely butchered her portrait.
I have been going to the drawing classes for five weeks now. Though I’m definitely not amazing at drawing yet, it doesn’t scare me like it used to anymore. It also occurs to me that whatever scares you, do it anyway. Because that’s the only way to be less scared of it. I have started to get a better hang of drawing. And this has made me feel better about myself and my creativity.
Now I want to show up with my camera to take photos of whatever captures my attention and share it anyway without worrying about whether or not I’m good enough as a photographer. I want to write and tell my stories anyway whether or not I’m good enough as a writer. Because it occurs to me that anyone can lead a creative life. As long as we show up every day and put in the time and dedication in the things that we are passionate about—whether it’s drawing, photography, writing, or simply living. Who says you have to be good at it to do it. It is almost guaranteed that we will make plenty of mistakes or the results may not come out as we expect, persevere and keep going anyway. We will be great at it eventually. Sometimes, the process of creating is worth doing it rather than the outcome itself.
